AC: This is nuts!!! Decosta just nailed Kon with that deadly finisher of his...now he's pulling Funk over onto Kon...NO NO NO!!!

Bloodbath: Look at this shit the ref is up now....he is in position...

AC: Fuck this!

Ref: 1.......2.......3
---End of Clip---

*Twist the Knife Slowly by Napalm Death plays as various extreme highlights play from the UEW's past and present. also flashing on the screen is "2 weeks until the UEW superstars experience Extreme Pain!" this all dissolves into the UEW's logo, which dissolves into a shot of the UEW arena, with about 6000 screaming fans holding up signs and knocking each other down in a sad attempt to be on camera*

*Blood by KMFDM plays, as it does almost every show. Marcus and Bloodbath make their way to the ring for the traditional show intro. Marcus stops and laughs at a sign that says "Bischoff fears Marcus". Bloodbath stops as well to see a sign that says "Bloodbath made AC". Bloodbath tries to secretly slip the kid some cash, but the camera catches it. They get into the ring, and Rick Cobbs hands Marcus a mic.*

Marcus: Ladies and Gentlemen, as always, welcome to the UEW ARENA, which is basically a giant warehouse we've modified to look like an arena, for WEDNESDAY NIGHT CHAOS!

*The fans scream and start a "UEW" chant. Bloodbath signals for them to quiet down for a moment.*

Bloodbath: You all saw the clip at the top of the show, and since we put in that not-so-jumbo-but-more-jumbo-than-our-last-jumbotron, ALL of the fans here got to see it too. You can see Donnie Decosta is back, and obviously he wants a peice of Kon, so we will give him what he wants at Extreme Pain! and it will be done in a match where "leaving the ring is NOT recommended"! Marcus, tell these people what the hell that means!

Marcus: Here's the deal! We're going to bring back the cage from the late night barfight, the one that goes all the way to the guard rails, but the ring will stay, and of course, there's no top on the cage, this ain't some sort of weird ass cell, we're trying to be original here! Anyways, once the cage is in place, all sorts of weird shit is going to be brought in, glass, barbed wire, explosives, maybe some fire, some mouse traps, some nails, some tacks, whatever we can find, we're going to put it all around the ring area! there won't be any space around the ring to walk, except for a small ramp for the wrestlers to get into the ring! basically, falling out of the ring, or even leaving the ring on your own might not be a good idea, because perhaps you'll step on a mine and glass will come flying into your face, or who knows! It'll be something to see I'll tell ya!

Bloodbath: Oh yeah! it will be one half of the double main event! and of course, the main event of Extreme Pain will be Justin Funk vs AC with the Universal Heavyweight Title on the line! AC was out here last week to do commentary with us unfortunatly, and in two weeks, he will have his first ever title defence!

Marcus: Alright, now that's all coming up, but lets tell the fans what we got for them tonight! We got a double main event for you guys tonight too! First, it will be Oatmeal making his re-debut vs Killer Kid, in a falls count anywhere OUTSIDE the arena match!

Bloodbath: Oh yeah! They start in here, so you fans can see some of the action, then they will end up fighting their way out through the dressing rooms, and outside, where it is damn cold out! The only way to win is to pin a man anywhere OUTSIDE the building, wether it be in that crappy religious bookstore next door, or the pet store on the other side of us, or just somewhere on the street! It doesn't matter! We'll have a camera following the action, and we'll definatly show it on the big screen here!

Marcus: It will be some fun indeed! And then, our main event, to see who will become the #1 contender for the National Title, "Sensational" Stevie Rhymes will take on the Mega-Snob Elite Eric Ego! that will be something, and I know Phobos will be watching that match and taking notes!

Bloodbath: Plus we also see who will be taking on Cross at Extreme Pain, when Shank takes on "The Enigma" Joe Hutchings! That should be one hell of a Jr. Heavyweight Contest, with the winner getting his shot at the Jr. Heavyweight title in 2 weeks!

Marcus: We also got some other great matches on the show for ya, so stick around! we'll be right back!

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*Chip Collins shows up in a Blue Armani suit, as he and MooCow are walking down the hall to the drink Machine a camera man approches them*

Camera Man: Hey Chip what are you doing here? Neither one of you have a match tonight?

CC- What the hell do you think I'm doing here? I'm part of this fed aren't I? Since when could I NOT be here? Especially considering that I am the undefeated tag team champions.

CC- *Looking down at his Rolex and tapping his foot impatiently* You know something Mr. Camera man. I'm not goin to talk to you back here. Lets go MooCow.

*CC and MooCow storm through the curtains, and as Higher Ground starts to play, Chip Collins and MooCow strut to the ring. MooCow stops half way as Chip dances around a the plays to the ladies.*

MooCow- BEER GUY!!!!!!!!! GIMME BEERRRR!!!!!!!!

Beer Guy: That'll be a Buck 50 sir...

MooCow- ooooohhh Chippp can I borrow 2 dollars?

CC- MooCow i'm busy over here...just take the damn beer.

*MooCow gives the Beer guy a shot to the guy and takes the whole Beer Case, and the NFS finally make it to the ring infront of the thousands of fans, MooCow gives out a Moo and then sites in the corner, and starts drinking the beer.*

CC- Now I'm out here to protest right now! MARCUS WHY DO THE NFS NEED TO DEFEND THE TAG TITLES? If you take a look at the supposed Hunters..or Predators or Merecenary Killers..They haven't even won a Damn Match. We man handled them.

CC- Marcus your waisting the Superstars Time! I could be out making movies, doing ladies but noooooo the NFS gotta defend the Titles agaisnt 2 no name white trash hicks.

CC- Until the NFS get some Real Tag team competition, we will NOT defend the titles. So Marcus, do whatever you have to do. Sign whoever you have to sign. But come pain, the NFS will wrestle, and Blade and Havok will feel the PAIN that we will dish out. But there is no way in hell the belts will be on the line...

*MooCow finishes up his drinks....*

MooCow- MOOOOO! Good stuff...

MooCow- and If your not down with Big Poppa Moo, and the NFS....well We got 2 words for you! Milk It!!!!!!!!!

Marcus: Well, the NFS making an unannounce appearance, and that beer is coming out of MooCow's salary... Anyway, they don't decide what goes on here... enough talk though, since when the hell did this organization turn into the WCW? When we come back, some wrestling folks! ----Advertisements----
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Marcus: Welcome ladies and gentlemen the night is rolling on here with top contender matches, as well as some huge face offs with the hottest stars in the sport. For this next one we have contacted a very famous ring announcer to help us tell you what you are about to see.

Bloodbath: And with out further ado, via phone in....Mr. Jim Ross.

JR: This one is gonna be a slobber knocker folks.Marcus: Thank you JR.

>click< brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Marcus: Get set for high impact pandi-freakin-modium! Let's get to the ring where Rick Cobbs is standing by!

*Rick Cobbs is on hand, looking a little bit country, and a little bit rock n roll.*

Rick: Ladies and Gentlemen this next bout...hell for this next bout we had to reinforce the ring! It has a twenty minute timelimit, and is set for one fall. Introducing first from Pittsburgh PA, at 7'4" 345 lbs, Folks this is Basher!

*"Enter Sandman" plays and the massive Basher makes his way to the ring. Basher gets a nice loud positive pop from the fans. He raises his hands over his head and soaks it in, then makes a dead sprint and flies in under the ring ropes, and pumps his fists as the fans continue to go wild.

Rick: And his opponent for this evening, at 7'2" 374 pounds, from parts unknown, this is ReKoil!

*"Deformography" pumps over head and the the giganitc form of ReKoil storms through the curtains the fans come alive, and ReKoil blows down the aisle and right into the ring!*

Bloodbath: Both big men looking ready to turn this into a bar room brawl! Basher comes out quick and ReKoil meets him in the middle of the ring. Both men in a stare down out here! Basher is a little taller, and Rekoil is a little heavier.....either way this one is going to be nasty!

Marcus: Look at this, ReKoil is talking trash....Basher returns it....ReKoil shoves Basher back and WHAM!!!! Basher with a huge roundhouse that jostles ReKoil back into the corner! Basher follows in with a huge shoulder slam into the midsection crushing the body of ReKoil into the corner!

Bloodbath: Basher back now, and WHAM!!! Slams his shoulder in low again! now grabing the middle ropes...WHAM!!! Shoulder! Wham!!!! Shoulder! ReKoil is on the receiving end thus far. ReKoil is looking winded already! Basher grabs him by the wrist and whips him across the ring into the opposite corner! Basher follows in quick....

Marcus: ReKoil gets a boot up! SPLAT!!!! Basher doddles back holding his nose! That thunderous kick may have shattered the man's nose! Here comes ReKoil! He scoops up Basher and WHAM body slam to the canvas! ReKoil up ontop of him now and kicking away at the gut of Basher! Basher is still in this just holding his ribs a little and trying to get back up!

Bloodbath: ReKoil going for a belly to back lock up here....OUCH!!! Basher lifts the heal and tags the gonads of ReKoil! Rekoil now holding himself and stumbling back! Basher uses a huge lariat and finishes the fall! Basher drops back into the ropes and rebounds forward landing hard elbow first into the middle of ReKoils Chest!

Marcus: The fans are into this! This is two big men getting it on!

*The crowd chants "UEW UEW UEW!"*

Bloodbath: Basher now making a cover I think this is a little premature....

Ref: 1...

Marcus: Absolutely right Bloodbath that was a mistake, a little overzealousness on the part of Basher. Basher now pulls up ReKoil and heads over to the corner with him....He is going to slam him face first into the turnbuckle pad! WAIT ReKoil reverses...And slams the face of Basher repeatedly into the corner 1....2....3....4....5. Basher bleeding out of the mouth now takes a hard chop across the chest from ReKoil!

Bloodbath: Basher hits the mat like a ton of bricks! What is ReKoil doing now?

Marcus: Looks like he is headed up to the top rope. You don't see big men like this get too aerial....Look at how much effort it is taking for him to balance himself! Here he comes....BUT NO HE TOOK TOO MUCH TIME AND BASHER ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!

*The fans go silly bo-willy*

Bloodbath: GOD the impact of that man into the mat was unparelleled! I think he probably broke some support beams. Basher is slowly up to his feet, but is up to his feet...He pulls up ReKoil once again and whips him to the ropes...ReKoil flying back...BASHER MUSTERING SOME UNBLELIEVABLE STRENGTH, AND NAILS HIM WITH A TILTA WHIRL BACK BREAKER!!!!

Marcus: That seems to have taken a lot out of Basher and he may have pulled his back! Basher is in pain. Holding his back and falling into a seated postition in the corner. Basher is in obious pain! ReKoil has plenty of time to recover! Here he comes getting back up to his feet.

Bloodbath: ReKoil is shouting out to the fans they like what they see. ReKoil charges the corner and knees Basher right in the FUCKING mouth! Basher is as good as dead out there if he can't get something going! ReKoil pulling him up to his feet, and flings him into the corner...Basher lands hard back first! ReKoil big splashes into the corner!

Marcus: Basher drops to his knees....then all the way down...ReKoil impacts with nothing but turnbuckle! ReKoil now flops down only inches from his opponent.

Bloodbath: Basher now rolls out of the ring, and so does ReKoil, but to the opposite side! They both grab chairs, and come back into the ring! Both men swing... and they both nail each other in the head! both men go down!

REF: 1....2....3....4....5....6....7....8....9....10

DING DING DING

Rick Cobbs: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is a DRAW!

Marcus: A hard fought battle by both men, but neither could pull anything off! Folks, when we come back, It'll be Albino Prince vs "Hollywood" Carl Aldrich!

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*Promo for Extreme Pain '99
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Marcus: This next one is going to be great. Two men that have really been dragged into a feud, and are now fighting for pride. Rick, take it away!

Rick Cobbs: Ladies and Gentlemen, this next match is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit... and it was announced moments ago by commissioner Bloodbath that both the Extreme Icons and the Dark Alliance must stay backstage during this match, or they will be fined and suspended!

Marcus: When the hell did you announce that?

Bloodbath: during the break.

Rick Cobbs: Introducing first, from Cheyenne, Wyoming, weighing 275lbs... he is a representative of The EXTREME ICONS... "Hollywood" CARL ALDRICH!

*My Life by the Jerkoffs plays as Carl Aldrich walks to the ring to a fair amount of cheers. He's wearing blue tights and black boots. He walks fairly fast to the ring, eager to get this match going. He walks around the ring and starts grabbing chairs and throwing them into the ring, until about 10 are in the ring, then slides into the ring and waits.*

Rick Cobbs: And his opponent... from "The Dark Side" weighing 273lbs... THE ALBINO PRINCE!

*Piggy by NIN plays as Albino Prince walks to the ring, wearing a black loincloth and black kneepads. He has very pale skin, and pink eyes, as well as abnormally long fingernails. He gets to the ring, and grabs one of the chairs nearest to the apron and pulls it outside.*

Bloodbath: Carl Aldrich is picking up a chair, and now we got a bit of a standoff here. Carl on the inside, and Albino Prince on the outside. the ring is littered with chairs now too. Aldrich now runs towards the ropes and slides out of the ring, and Albino Prince takes a swing at him... Aldrich moves out of the way! Albino Prince swings again, and Alrich blocks with his chair! Now both men swing, and... Carl knocks the chair out of Albino Prince's hands!

Marcus: Albino Prince with a worried look on his face, and Carl swings again... Albino Prince ducks, and the chair hits the ringpost! Carl drops the chair and grabs his hands in pain!

Bloodbath: Yeah, the vibration on something like that hurts! Carl turns around, and Albino Prince nails him with a clothesline! Aldrich goes down, and hits the back of his head on his own chair!

Marcus: I've never seen someone's own weapon cause them so many problems. Meanwhile, inside the ring, the ref is clearing some of those chairs out, I don't know why Carl started throwing those things in there in the first place, but now there's just a bunch of chairs outside the ring.

Bloodbath: Carl now getting back to his feet, and Albino Prince grabs him by the hair, and rolls him back into the ring. Albino Prince follows him in, but Carl back to his feet quickly, and starts kicking Albino Prince as he's getting up. Carl now pulls him back to his feet, and throws him to the ropes... Albino Prince comes back, and Carl sticks his knee out, nailing Albino Prince in the stomach!

Marcus: Albino Prince goes down, holding his stomach! I'm telling you, this Dark Alliance is a group of weird characters, but this guy is by far the weirdest. He's extremely pale, he's got pink eyes, and very long nails, pretty crappy posture, I mean he doesn't look like a wrestler, more like a freak!

Bloodbath: Yeah, you sure know how to sign em... Carl now pulling Albino Prince back to his feet, and he throws him hard to the turnbuckle! Albino Prince hits back first, and Carl runs in at him... Albino Prince puts his foot up! Carl staggers backwards, and Albino Prince comes out of the corner with a clothesline to knock Aldrich down!

Marcus: Albino Prince waits for Aldrich to get back to his feet, and... he drops to his knees, and... GRABS HIS GROIN! What the fu...

Bloodbath: This guy is really screwed up! He's got Carl Aldrich by the short ones literally here! Carl is screaming in pain, and I'm sure every guy in the arena is wincing too! The ref is asking Carl if he wants to give up, and believe it or not, they are counting this as a submission move!

Marcus: Carl is saying no, although I don't know why... Carl now starts hitting forearms on Albino Prince, but he's not letting go... Carl now digs his thumb into the eye of Albino Prince, and that makes him let go! Carl is walking a little funny now, but no wonder!

Bloodbath: Both men now standing toe to toe, and Albino Prince tries for a kick to the stomach... Carl grabs his foot, and spins him around, gets him in a waistlock, and... Back Suplex! and a cover!

REF: 1......2..

Marcus: Albino Prince kicks out pretty easily, and hops back to his feet. Carl to his feet too, and takes a swing at Albino Prince... he ducks, and grabs Carl by the hair, and hits a hard european uppercut! Albino Prince now gets a waistlock, and... BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! and a cover!

REF: 1......2...

Bloodbath: Carl Aldrich gets a shoulder up! Albino Prince quickly pulls him back to his feet, and throws him to the ropes... Carl comes back, and... SPINEBUSTER BY ALBINO PRINCE! Albino Prince makes the cover!

REF: 1......2....

Marcus: Carl Aldrich kicks out! Albino Prince gets up, and pulls Carl up with him... Carl hits him with a stiff shot to the groin!

Bloodbath: Payback's a bitch! Albino Prince in a little pain there, and... Carl hits him a second time in the sack! and another! Albino Prince goes down, and I think you can see his eyes watering!

Marcus: Yours would be too after 3 shots to the nuts. Carl now pulling Albino Prince up, and puts him up in a fireman's carry... this could be it! He walks towards the turnbuckles, and climbs up with Albino Prince on his shoulders, and... CARL DRIVER! and a cover!

REF: 1......2......3

DING DING DING

Rick Cobbs: Here is your winner... "Hollywood" CARL ALDRICH!

Bloodbath: Aldrich takes the win, and I'm sure that is not going to sit well with the Dark Alliance! folks, when we come back, Wes Anderson will take on Justin Sane!

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Rick Cobbs: This next match is scheduled for one fall, with a 15 minute time limit. Introducing first, from El Paso Texas, weighing 220lbs... WES ANDERSON!

*No Remorse plays as The Andersons walk out to the ring. The crowd boos, but they really don't seem to care. They get to the ring and Wes rolls in, as Doug stays on the outside.*

Rick Cobbs: And his opponent, from Philadelphia, weighing 210lbs, and representing the Extreme Icons... JUSTIN SANE!

*My Life by the Jerkoffs plays as the crowd pops. Justin Sane walks out holding his cane up in the air, and the crowd gets a little louder. He runs to the ring, and drops the cane as he gets very close to the ring, then slides into the ring and goes at Wes right away*

Marcus: And here we go! Both men just throwing punches here, Wes isn't really known for being a brawler but he's standing toe to toe with Justin Sane anyway! Wes now starts blocking punches, and lands a knee to the gut of Justin Sane. Justin Sane reels backwards a bit, and Wes hits him with a spinning side kick.

Bloodbath: Justin Sane goes down, and rolls out of the ring. He's motioning for Wes to follow him, and Wes runs at him... Justin Sane moves out of the way, and Wes jumps over the top, but grabs onto the top rope and stays on the apron! Justin Sane looks at the floor where Wes should be, then looks up, and... Wes jumps, and hits an ASAI MOONSAULT!

Marcus: Clever move by Wes Anderson, and Justin Sane is down. Wes now pulls Justin Sane to his feet, and picks him up... and drops him chest first over the guardrail! Justin Sane is just drapped over the guardrail! Wes now climbing up on the guard rail, those things aren't very stable but Wes showing great balance here... Wes jumps, and hits a legdrop to the back of Justin Sane's head! Both men are in the crowd now!

Bloodbath: Wes now back up, and he pulls Justin Sane up, and hits a stiff european uppercut! Justin Sane staggers backwards and falls onto the guardrail. Wes takes a few steps back, and goes for a running clothesline... Justin Sane ducks, and Wes goes back over the guardrail! Justin Sane waiting for Wes to get back up, and... SPRINGBOARD CLOTHESLINE!

Marcus: Both men are down here, wait, Justin Sane getting to his feet now, and pulling Wes up with him... He rolls him into the ring, and climbs up on the apron, and waits for Wes to get back to his feet... He jumps, and... Springboard Hurricanrana... no! Wes counters with a Powerbomb! and he goes for a cover!

REF: 1......2.

Bloodbath: Justin Sane able to kick out fairly easy there! Doug on the outside clapping, and the fans are booing. Wes pulls Justin Sane to his feet, and rifles him towards the corner! Justin Sane hits very hard chest first, and staggers backwards... Doug with a waistlock, and... RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!

Marcus: Wait a minute, what is Doug doing? Oh wait, he's pulling a table out from under the ring! He slides it under the bottom rope, and Wes sets it up near the corner! He pulls Justin Sane to his feet, and slams him on the table! Wes going to the top rope, and... 450 Splash... no! Justin Sane rolls off the table, and Wes goes through the table!

*Crowd Chants "You Fucked Up! You Fucked Up!"*

Bloodbath: Can't we get our own chants? Wes is down, and he is hurt! Justin Sane looks hurt too, but he rolls over, and drapes an arm over Wes's chest, and the ref makes a count!

REF: 1......2....

Marcus: No! Wes gets a shoulder up! Justin Sane now slowly gets to his feet, and pulls Wes up with him. He grabs a chunk of that broken table too, and puts it in the middle of the ring. He kicks Wes in the stomach, and... REVERSE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP! Wes hits face first on the table! and Justin Sane goes for another cover!

REF: 1......2.....

Bloodbath: Wes gets a shoulder up again! Justin Sane a little frustrated, he feels he had it right there! Justin Sane walking around frustrated, and now he finally goes back over to Wes and pulls him to his feet. He throws him to the ropes... Wes comes back, and Justin Sane puts his head down... Wes stops right in front of Justin Sane, and double underhooks the arms... TIGER DRIVER! and he holds on for a cover!

REF: 1......2...

Marcus: Justin Sane kicks out! both men are extremely tired here! Wes slowly gets to his feet though, and pulls Justin Sane with him... Wes whips him to the ropes, wait, Justin Sane reverses... Wes comes back, and Justin Sane catches him in a Fireman's Carry... THAT'S INSANE! Wes is out, and Justin Sane makes the cover!

REF: 1......2......3

DING DING DING

Rick Cobbs: Here is your winner... JUSTIN SANE!

Bloodbath: Justin Sane racks up another win! and we'll be right back after this.

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