*Blood by KMFDM plays as Bloodbath and Marcus walk out, and head to the ring. Bloodbath is holding a portable microphone. They get to the ring and Bloodbath holds the ropes open for Marcus to walk in.*
Marcus: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the second ever WEDNESDAY NIGHT CHAOS! I'm of course the owner and president of the UEW, and host of Wednesday Night Chaos, Marcus Williams, and the man beside me is the commissioner of the UEW, Bloodbath! And we got one hell of a show for you tonight!
Bloodbath: I'd like to direct your attention to the giant cage hanging at the top of the arena. tonight, we are going to have a LATE NIGHT BAR FIGHT. This cage goes all the way to the guard rails, and the ring will be raised above the arena. These things aren't bolted to the floor you know. Inside that cage will be pool cues, bar stools, bar tables, beer bottles, a jukebox, and a fully stocked bar that will be wheeled down here, complete with giant glass mirror! This has only been held once in the history of the UEW, or for the matter, only held once in the history of wrestling itself! This will be the second time anyone has ever seen this!
Marcus: And the two wrestlers who will be wrestling in this very dangerous match are JUSTIN TIME, and KONVICTED FELON!
Bloodbath: Also tonight fans, you will see The New Footloose Superstars take on The Extreme Icons! The Footloose Superstars have never lost a match as a tag team ever in previous organizations, and The Extreme Icons know what they're doing when it comes to hardcore!
Marcus: Phobos and his Syndicate will face Bill Neno! with Phobos buying up UEW staff, Bill Neno is going to have to work really hard to beat this man.
Bloodbath: We'll also see two high flyers in "The Enigma" Joe Hutchings and Matt Cobain. This should be quite the contest, both these guys are great technical and aerial atheletes.
Marcus: Oatmeal will take on the Snobby Elite Eric Ego! Oatmeal may have a pretty strange name, but he can wrestle! And as we saw last week, despite Eric Ego's arrogance, he can wrestle as well!
Bloodbath: And coming up after our first commercial break, Black Thunder will take on Insane Clown! Black Thunder has lost his first two matches, and has bought the services of even more bodyguards to help him out. Insane Clown has also lost his first two matches, so obviously one of these men is going to finally get a win here.
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*NEW Goldrush '97 Home Video, the show that started it all.
*UEW Action Figure 2 packs: Elite Eric Ego with Moonlight
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Rick Cobbs: This match is scheduled for one fall, with a 20 minute time limit. Coming to the ring, with his manager Jin, and Bodygaurds Agent T, Agent B, and Agent Y... From Israel, weighing 240lbs... BLACK THUNDER!
*The lights flicker and sounds of Thunder and Lighting go off as The Bodyguards come out first, then Jin, and then Black Thunder. They walk to the ring, and the Bodyguards all stay at the bottom of the ramp.*
Rick Cobbs: And his opponent... with his manager, Hooker B, From Da Carnival, weighing 335lbs... INSANE CLOWN!
*Down with the Clown plays as Hooker B and Insane Clown walk to the ring. Insane Clown walks to the ring slowly. Hooker B walks past the bodyguards to Insane Clown's corner, but the bodyguards don't let Insane Clown pass.*
Marcus: What is this? The bodyguards all attacking Insane Clown, just laying a beating on him before he can even get to the ring, and now they all pick him up and throw him into the ring right in front of Black Thunder! Black Thunder now goes to work with some boots to Insane Clown's head. Now he picks him up, and whips him to the turnbuckle. Insane Clown hits hard chest first, and staggers backwards... Black Thunder spins him around, grabs his arm, and... Short Arm Clothesline! And a cover!
REF: 1......2..
Bloodbath: Insane Clown kicks out pretty easily. There's no way this match would be over already, it's barely started! Black Thunder has a pretty good hold on this match already though, since the bodyguards did a number on Insane Clown off the start.
Marcus: Black Thunder now pulling Insane Clown back up, and he throws him to the ropes... Insane Clown coming back... Black Thunder goes for a frankensteiner... Insane Clown reverses with a POWERBOMB! and he goes for the cover!
REF: 1......2...
Bloodbath: He kicks out! Insane Clown now puts Black Thunder in a front headlock, and walks over to the turnbuckles... he climbs to the second rope with Black Thunder in the headlock, and... TORNADO DDT! And another cover!
REF: 1......2....
Marcus: He kicks out again! Jin now up on the apron and the ref is telling him to get down. Agent T up on the apron... Insane Clown throws Black Thunder to the ropes, and Insane Clown runs to the other side... Agent T with a knee to the back of Insane Clown! Insane Clown staggers forward... Black Thunder spears Insane Clown! Jin gets off the apron, and Black Thunder goes for the cover!
REF: 1......2..
Bloodbath: Insane Clown gets a shoulder up! Black Thunder back in control now. He picks up Insane Clown, and punches him in the head a couple times, now he throws him to the turnbuckle, and follows him in with a clothesline! Black Thunder backs up, and Insane Clown tries a clothesline of his own. Black Thunder ducks, and turns around, Insane Clown kicks him in the stomach, and... DDT! Insane Clown stands up and laughs insanily, and Hooker B starts clapping.
Marcus: Well I think it's obvious why Insane Clown has those two losses... I mean he really should have gone for the pin here. Insane Clown now stands in front of Black Thunder while he tries to get to his feet.
Bloodbath: This is a smart move here. Insane Clown making Black Thunder use his own energy to get up. Insane Clown now lays a boot to the ribs of Black Thunder, and he falls over again. Insane Clown now jumps, and... SPLASH! and he stays on for a pin!
REF: 1......2.....
Marcus: He kicks out! Hooker B is pounding on the apron, and screaming at the ref. Insane Clown picks up Black Thunder and drags him to the turnbuckle, and rips the turnbuckle pad off the top turnbuckle... and now starts slamming Black Thunder's head into it! the crowd counts with Insane Clown!
CROWD: 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10!
Bloodbath: Black Thunder staggers backwards, and Insane Clown hits a stiff lariat to knock Black Thunder down! Black Thunder rolls outside, and his manager and the bodyguards quickly surround him. He's gotta be hurting now! Insane Clown just stands in the middle of the ring laughing!
Marcus: Black Thunder now climbing back into the ring, and... wait a minute, what is that on his hand? It's Brass Knuckles! Jin or one of the Bodyguards must've gave those too him! Insane Clown turns around and... Black Thunder hits him with the brass knuckles! Insane Clown goes down hard, and he's busted open too!
Bloodbath: Black Thunder now rolls Insane Clown over, and locks in the ThunderStorm! Insane Clown is trying to reach for the ropes, but he's just too far away, and now he's tapping.
DING DING DING
Rick Cobbs: The winner of this match... BLACK THUNDER!
Marcus: Well Black Thunder finally gets a win here. When we come back, "The Enigma" Joe Hutchings will take on Matt Cobain.
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*UEW Wednesday Night Chaos shirt: Logo on front, "Chaos has never been so fucking entertaining" on back
*NEW World Title Tournament '97 Home Video
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Marcus: This is gonna be huge! Folks this next match is two of our lighter competitors but definetly two of the most extreme and intense. Let's get right to it!
Rick Cobbs: This match is scheduled for one fall and has a tv time limit of 20 minutes. Introducing first, at 5'11" 196 pounds a bit of a mystery...The Enigma Joe Hutchins!!!!
*Hutchins comes out in a singlet peppered with question marks, as "Money ain't no thing" by Jay Z plays. He looks like he is in an outstanding mood, and falls back on the gaurd rail to celebrate with the fans before hopping into the ring.*
Rick Cobbs: Now Introducing, at 6'2" 200 and some pounds from Tennesee, another lighter guy...Folks please welcome Matt Cobain!
*Cobain jogs up the isle looking ready and almost like he already won this match. He has on jeans and a Nirvana shirt, he has his hair pulled back and recieves a somewhat negative reaction from the crowd.*
Bloodbath: This is my kind of match after all having been a former cruiser weight I love to see the smaller guys go at it. Both men looking to prove something here tonite....Cobain comes right after Enigma, with a forarm, but Enigma catches him coming and flings him past into the ropes...here comes Cobain..
Marcus: Enigma goes for a big boot...But Cobain ducks it and comes back off the ropes and nails Enigma with that same forearm he came out with at the start. Cobain shouts out to the crowd and tells them he can not be stopped. But while Cobain jaws with the crowd...Here comes Enigma with a hard drop kick to the small of the back of Cobain, and he goes flying through the ropes and to the floor.
Bloodbath: The fans are really letting Cobain have it as he struggles to get up off the floor, Cobain gets up and shouts in the face of one of the closer fans...Then turns...LOOK OUT!!! HERE COMES ENIGMA SPRINGBOARDING OUT OF THE RING AND HARD ONTO COBAIN FLATTENING HIM OUT ON THE SECURITY RAIL!
Marcus: Both of these guys have the moves and the high flying abilities, but Enigma sure made a huge impact across the chest of Cobain. Enigma taking full advantage of his current position and starts to slam hard fists to the face of Cobain.
Bloodbath: The lighting quick speed of Enigma really showing itself as he steps back and nails the still leaning Cobain in the face with a drop kick! Cobain reels from that one, and Enigma goes for another one..But somehow Cobain caught him...and WHAM!!!! Sidewalk slams him right on the top of the rail!!!!
Marcus: Cobain is up a little favoring of the back, but up none the less, he rolls in the ring and back out to break the ten count, and then grabbing the steel rail for leverage begins to stomp viciously at the gut of Enigma! Cobain pulls up Enigma, and sets him up....WHAM blacktiger bomb right onto the cement!!! Enigma struggling to stand...Cobain helps him up and rolls him into the ring.
Bloodbath: Cobain up and in the ring and Enigma is up too, Enigma whipped to the rope...Cobain catches...Reverse Russian leg sweep plants Enigma on the mat! These two guys are awesome! Cobain drags Enigma into position. He has him set up for his finisher the 14 itch...Up...Flips...And OUCH!!! Hard into the mat as Enigma made it out of the way. Enigma takes a moment to rest as Cobain writhes on the mat.
Marcus: As Cobain manages up to his feet...there is Enigma and nails him with a Dragon Suplex! That is it fans this one is over...Enigma makes a cover.
Ref: 1......2....
Bloodbath: Somewhere from deep inside Cobain managed to get a shoulder up! Cobain crawls to a corner and starts to pull himseld up as Enigma looks on shocked...Cobain is up and here comes Enigma...He is going for a hurricanrana...NO!!! COBAIN REVERSED IT INTO A POWERBOMB! Now it's Enigma who is in trouble, that is just how fast these things can switch on you!
Marcus: Cobain steps behind, and locks up a rear ankle lock on Enigma! Enigma is frantically trying to get loose. But he's too close to the ropes and that is going to force Cobain to break the hold. Cobain gets up and stalks behind Enigma. Enigma stubling looking for his opponent...Cobain follows.
Bloodbath: Uh oh! Enigma turns, and Cobain charges for a clothesline...Enigma grabs the arm and flings Cobain past him and into the corner! Enigma charging now...Cobain moves, and Enigma hits hard into the corner! Both Enigma and Cobain are back in this one and it is about boiled to a head.
Marcus: God it almost seems like these matches get started and it takes the input of a higher being to make them come to an end.
Bloodbath: Uh... yeah... anyway, Cobain pounding on Enigma with lefts and rights, Cobain now winds up for a big heymaker... he swings, and Enigma ducks... Cobain spins around, and Enigma kicks Cobain in the stomach... MICHINOKU DRIVER! and the Dragon Sleeper, It's called Dazed and Confused! Cobain kicking wildly, trying to break free, but he just can't... and now he's tapping!
DING DING DING
Rick Cobbs: Here is your winner... "The Enigma" JOE HUTCHINGS!
Marcus: What a contest! Up next, Tag Team action as The New Footloose Superstars face the Extreme Icons!
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*NEW Extreme Pain '97 Home Video
*Goldrush '98 Promo
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Rick Cobbs: This next match is a tag team bout scheduled for one fall, with a 30 minute time limit. First, coming to the ring, at a total combined weight of 393lbs... "SuperStar" Chip Collins, and Super Lucha MooCow... THE NEW FOOTLOOSE SUPERSTARS!
*Higher Ground by Red Hot Chilli Peppers plays as "Superstar" Chip Collins walks out first, wearing a large robe, as the lights dim slightly and a spotlight follows him as he walks halfway down the ramp. Super Lucha MooCow now comes out with a whisky bottle in hand, staggering down the ramp as a spotlight tries to follow him, but has a hard time since he's all over the ramp. He finally gets to where Chip is, and they walk to the ring together, with Chip trying to steady him. They get up on the apron, and Super Lucha MooCow "MOOS" for the crowd, and the crowd Moos back*
Rick Cobbs: And their opponents... at a total combined weight of 530lbs... Ring King, and Justin Sane, THE EXTREME ICONS!
*FireStarter by Prodigy plays as Ring King and Justin Sane walk to the ring together. Ring King is carrying a barbed wire bat, and Justin Sane is carrying a cane wrapped in barbed wire. They get to the ring, and lean their weapons in their corner.*
Marcus: Well, here we go. Ring King stepping outside, it looks like Justin Sane is going to start. I would hope that Chip is going to start, I don't see how Super Lucha MooCow can actually even wrestle, look at him! I outweigh this guy!
Bloodbath: And the fact that he's drunk off his ass really doesn't help matters. But look at this, Chip is telling him to start!
MooCow: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
CROWD: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Marcus: Uh, ok... I don't know what the big appeal is of a drunken midget that's dressed like a cow, but these fans love him! Justin Sane now runs at him, and... Mafia Kicks him right in the chops! MooCow goes flying backwards, and hits the ropes.
Bloodbath: MooCow is going to have a hard time in there. He's got a huge height and weight disadvantage! Justin Time now picks MooCow up off the mat, and throws him to the ropes... Justin Sane puts his head down to try a back body drop, and MooCow does a leap frog. Justin Sane turns around, drops to his knees, and catches MooCow coming back with an arm drag!
Marcus: Justin Sane has a whole one foot height advantage over this guy! and MooCow finally goes and tags in Chip Collins! Collins steps through the ropes and the crowd pops! Justin Sane is signaling him to bring it on! Chip Collins struts towards Justin Sane, and Justin Sane with a boot to the midsection on Chip, and does a DDT! Chip rolls out to the outside of the ring. Justin Sane tags in Ring King, and he immediatly runs towards the ropes, and jumps... plancha suicida onto Chip Collins!
Bloodbath: MooCow standing on the apron waiting for Ring King to get off of Chip... he runs at him and jumps... Frankensteiner off the apron onto Ring King! Justin Sane now steps through the ropes and sees Super Lucha MooCow about to climb back on the apron... Justin Sane runs, and... baseball slide! and Super Lucha MooCow goes flying backwards into the steel guardrail! Chip Collins now back to his feet, he pulls Justin Sane the rest of the way out of the ring, and throws him into the guardrail!
Marcus: This is getting out of control in a hurry! Chip now rolls back in the ring, and Ring King slowly getting to his feet and heading back towards the ring, those two are the legal men. Chip goes to the apron and pulls Ring King all the way back into the ring. Chip pulls Ring King to his feet and throws him to the ropes, Ring King coming back, and ducks a Clothesline by Chip, he comes back again, and Chip puts his head down... Ring King does a sunset flip!
REF: 1......2...
Bloodbath: Chip kicks out, and rolls up to his feet right away, Ring King stands up, and Chip clotheslines him down right away! Chip now scooping Ring King right back up, he carries him near his own corner, and slams him right down, and tags in MooCow! MooCow immediatly to the top rope, and... Sommersault Senton Splash! and a cover!
REF: 1...
Marcus: Ring King just throws MooCow off him, and MooCow goes flying over the top rope and out to the floor! Ring King now to his feet, he runs to the ropes, and comes back, and... Sucide Dive on MooCow!
Bloodbath: Well Ring King is showing he can do lucha as well, and he's over 300lbs! Ring King now picks up MooCow gorilla press style, and just heaves him over the top rope from the outside back into the ring. Ring King rolls back in after him. MooCow gets back to his feet, and Ring King kicks him in the stomach, and... T-BONE SUPLEX! Ring King now drags MooCow towards his own corner, and climbs to the top rope... Moonsault! And a cover!
REF: 1......2.....
Marcus: Chip comes in and makes the save! The Ref tells Chip to get back to his corner, as Ring King tags in Justin Sane. Justin Sane now grabbing the barbed wire cane! MooCow slowly gets to his feet, and staggers around a bit. Justin Sane walks towards MooCow, and swings the cane... it hits MooCow in the shoulder! MooCow drops to one knee and grabs his shoulder. Justin Sane raises the cane in the air, and the crowd boos!
Bloodbath: Well these guys don't have quite the following that the NFS do... Justin Sane now kicks MooCow down on his back, and tries to hit MooCow again... MooCow rolls out of the way! Justin Sane swings again, and MooCow rolls away again, towards his own partner... and he tags him in! Chip now gets in there, and looks at Justin Time and his cane, and Justin Time smiles... Chip turns around towards his corner, and MooCow throws Chip his whisky bottle! Justin Sane swings at Chip, Chip ducks, and breaks the whisky bottle over Justin Sane's head! Justin Sane goes down!
Marcus: Chip throws the broken bottle away, and starts struting around. Justin Sane back to his feet, and Chip hits him with a knife edge chop! and another one! and a third one that backs Justin Time into the corner! Now he grabs Justin Sane, and... BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!
Bloodbath: That's the setup for Lights Out! Justin Time now setting up for it, and Ring King is yelling for Justin Sane to get up and get out of the way... MooCow is perched on the top rope for some reason... Justin Sane gets to his feet, and Chip goes for Lights Out... He hits it! And wait a minute... look who's back.
Marcus: The Hardboys are coming to the ring, and Chip sees them... he signals for MooCow to jump... and MooCow hits a 450 on Justin Sane! And he covers him, but the ref is telling him he's not the legal man! The Hardboys now hit the ring, Hardboy Bullockhead goes at Ring King, and Gladstone Blower goes after Chip! The Ref is looking at this, and now he calls for the bell!
DING DING DING
Bloodbath: Well the Hardboys are beating on Chip and Ring King, Justin Sane is still down from the Lights Out/450 splash combo, and MooCow is just realizing all of this! MooCow goes at Gladstone Blower. Hardboy Bullockhead now turns his attention to MooCow, he boots him in the head, and throws him out of the ring. Hardboy Bullockhead now taps Gladstone Blower on the shoulder, and they leave.
Rick Cobbs: Due to a Double Disqualification, this match is a DRAW!
Marcus: Well the Hardboys obviously trying to make their presence felt before Goldrush. Up next, Phobos will lock up with Bill Neno!
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*NEW Merchandise left over from the old days. Selling dirt cheap, buy it now!
*UEW various crap... er... merchandise
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