Narrator: Ah, Spring... flowers blooming, leaves returning to the trees...
*Classical Music turns into a generic death metal song*
Narrator: Fuck all that, tonight Spring is about Blood, it's about Pain, and it's about the Slaughterhouse Match, housed inside the 15 foot high barbed wire cage!
*Shot of the UEW arena empty with the barbed wire cage lowered and the barbed wire boards in place*
Narrator: And tonight, Spring is also about the return of Phobos and his 3Pac to take on Kon and his Ruthless Playaz for the Universal Heavyweight Title!
*Clips of Phobos and Kon from their first UEW match way back in November in the barbed wire net/scaffold match*
Narrator: Tonight... SPRING IS ABOUT SPRING SLAUGHTER!
*Fireworks go off, nothing major spectacular, but hey, the UEW's budget ain't that big. the camera then pans across a jam packed house of 7000 screaming UEW fans, many of them wearing UEW merchandise, trying to get their face on camera. The shot then goes to Bloodbath and Marcus Williams already sitting at ringside.*
Marcus: Welcome everyone to SPRING SLAUGHTER 1999! I'm Owner and President of the UEW, Marcus Williams, beside me is the UEW Commissioner, Bloodbath, and it's great to have you all here for this big Supercard!
Bloodbath: It's going to be quite the night indeed, as the UEW has yet another first in this business, the Slaughterhouse Match. This should be one of the most violent matches of all time, especially after all 4 men will have to wrestle earlier in the night!
Marcus: Also the now re-named "Philadelphia" Dumpster Match will prove to be a big one, as Davey Scott and Justin Sane go at it one more time, in a match where there must be a winner, and with rumors floating around that this could be Justin Sane's last match, who knows what could happen in this one!
Bloodbath: And the big one, Phobos vs Kon, for the Universal Heavyweight Championship Belt! Phobos has been out for a while with a minor neck injury, which he got from Immortal last month. He's had a month to rest, and a month to train, for this big match, and he has his buddies from the 3-Pac back at his side, Demios, and Unabomb. Kon may not have anyone at his side, since Sane and Immortal will both be in very brutal matches earlier in the night, so Phobos could have the advantage that way, especially with the reputation of the 3-Pac.
Marcus: ok, well the first match is coming up. as we said, the Slaughterhouse will be in a couple hours, and both of these men are participants. Due to Shank and Immortal having to go twice tonite so will their opponents. I tell you what having to go twice in one night ESPECIALLY if you are LA Chilly Bunns is going to be a bitch.
Bloodbath: I Like Jaguar in this one and maybe in the Slaughter House match. A lot of people are saying this match is tailer made for SHANK, while many are saying that this match is like the Match at Living Hell is Immortal�s thing. I say if Jaguar doesn�t get flattened in this one, he isgood to go!
Marcus: I think that I will wait until that match starts to see what is left of these guys and take a look at who can take the most pain....although in actual terms of pain you have to like Shank. Though Immortal and Jaguar are very tough too. Chilly Bunns may have died of a heart attack at that point.
Bloodbath: Well don�t forget that Chilly is hurt.
Marcus: Absolutely he has that special mask on to....uh...keep his nose from falling off if I am not mistaken...Any way....Rick Cobbs is on hand for introductions.
*Rick Cobbs is chillin like Bob Dillan but still Crazy like Patrick Swayze.*
Rick Cobbs: Ladies and Gentlemen this match is scheduled for one fall there is a thirty minute time limit. Introducing first weighing in at 348 pounds and standing a squat 6�2". This is theLard Ass....This is Chilly Bunns!!!!!!
*"Fat Bottom" by Spinal Tap plays as Chilly Buns golf cart roars to life with little tinsil strands running around the frame. Sputtering black clouds pop out the back of the cart, before it dies. Causing the masked Chilly to get off kick it and walk to the ring VERRRRRRRRY slowly.........um.....still walking............to the steps......up the steps......ok moving on.*
Rick Cobbs: And his opponent in this "Catch up Match"...standing 6�3" and 250 pounds herecomes Jaguar!!!!!
*"Genocide" by Steve Vai plays as Jaguar comes through the curtains to a hail of boos. Jaguar doesn�t seem to care as he breaks into a sprint to the ring sliding under the bottom rope, andgetting up in the face of LA Chilly*
Bloodbath: Jag right up in Chilly�s face. Telling him how it is! Chilly shoves Jag back onto his ass rocking rolling him right into the ropes. Jaguar pops back up and...CHILLY BUNNS IS ALREADY THERE WITH A HUGE CLOTHESLINE!!!!! Did you see that?!?
Marcus: No I didn�t he moved faster then I have ever seen him, and Jaguar may have shit his pants in there. I don�t think he saw that coming either. Jaguar up and trying to avoid Chilly a little while shaking the cobb webs loose. Jaguar really got cocked on that one.
Bloodbath: Chilly grabs the back of Jaguars head and slams it into the turnbuckle padding! Jaguar is getting smothered by the big man out there! I for one am shocked! Jaguar is really being taken out of his game here by the yet to fore unseen speed of the Ass.
Marcus: LA Chilly Bunns is like a house afire in here, I don�t even know what to think while I watch this! He spins Jag around in the corner and holding on to the ropes backs up and slams his body weight right into Jaguar! Then again ....and again!!!! Jaguar collapses to the ground!!!! Chilly bunns is pointing to the corner....
Bloodbath: No way!
*The fans EXPLODE!*
Marcus: Chilly Bunns is goin AirBorne?!?
Bloodbath: yes he is Chilly Bunns climbing up in his corner...I can�t see through that mask but you can bet that he is smiling his ass off under there....Looks like he is going for a moonsault....wehaven�t seen him do any of this yet to date.
Marcus: Set up.....LA CHILLY BUNNS FLYS!!!!!!!!!!!
Bloodbath: OUGHHHH!!!!!
Marcus: Jaguar barely got out of the way and chilly is hurt and hurt bad. He ain�t moving much....Jaguar is up though and he goes up on high....look at how fast Jag...is set up...and Jaguar does hit the moonsault...and he makes a cover!
REF: 1......2..
Bloodbath: No got his shoulders up. Jaguar is laughing he knows that Bunns may have just cashed his chips in. Jaguar pulls up Bunns and scoops him up and slams him into the middle of the mat! What power exerted there by Jag. He is a tough guy no one can take that away fromhim!!!
Marcus: Jaguar pulling him up again...and Bunns just thumbed him in the eye!!!! Jaguar stumbles back! Chilly Bunns just hit him like a Cement Mixer!!!!! Jaguar getting lifted up and back body dropped right to the mat!!!! Jaguar swoops right back up but the newly quick Bunns is right therewith a kick to the abdomen of Jaguar....
Bloodbath: Chilly Bunns is going for a FUCKING POWER BOMB!!!!!!! Chilly scoops him up....Jag wraps his legs around Chillies head....grabs him by the mask hits him in the face one....two... three times..... Chilly is stumbling....Jaguar grabs the mask....and turns it sideways.... Now....HURRICANRANA�S THE BIG MAN RIGHT OVER HIS HEAD!!!!!
Marcus: Trying to get back up is Chilly Bunns he can�t see anything with his mask pulled on sideways like that.....he is up to his feet...and Chilly Bunns suddenly jolts back after a kick to the head! Another and another backs Chilly to the corner....Chilly just dangling there....lik....a....tree.
Bloodbath: A tree about to fall and Jaguar is right in the way!!!! Chilly Bunns crushes forward landing right on Jaguar!!!!! Will the ref count this?!? Can Jaguar get loose? the ref does decide to count it!
REF: 1......2.....
Marcus: Jaguar gets out! Lard Ass now rolls around on the mat, and tries to get back to his feet, as Jaguar now slowly back to his feet, Lard Ass up, and he turns the mask around... just in time to see Jaguar kick him in the stomach, and... JUMPING PILEDRIVER! and a cover!
REF: 1......2......3
DING DING DING
Rick Cobbs: Here is your winner... JAGUAR!
Bloodbath: Well we all knew that Jag wouldn't be able to do the piledriver from the top, and you gotta substitute sometimes... Jaguar gets the win, and both of these men will go on into the Slaughterhouse Match!
Marcus: Okay, folks, start taping, cause this next one's gonna be one for the books!
Bloodbath: This whole bloody supercard has been, and will be!
Marcus: But this one's especially good.
Bloodbath: You say that about every match.
Marcus: Will you shut up?
Bloodbath: No.
Marcus: Fine. Ricky boy, do that funky thing you do.
*Rick Cobbs struts to the ring, looking like he's Stayin' Alive*
Rick: This is a falls count anywhere match, with a 30-minute time limit, and the UEW Jr. Heavyweight title is on the line!
*Rob Zombie's Dragula blasts over the speakers as the fans begin to boo.*
Rick: First, the defending champion, from The Asylum, and weighing in at 195lbs, this is Shank!
*There is a HUGE crash from behind the curtains, and Shank flies out amidst the wreakage of at least one table, and the fans blow up, knowing this match has already started*
Marcus: Dammit, I was hoping they'd at least make it into the arena, if not the ring.
Bloodbath: Oh yeah right! If you didn't actually expect this, then why'd you make it falls count anywhere?
Marcus: Uhh... Because. Just because.
Bloodbath: If you say so. Wait, we've got a camera back there now!
*The camera comes on just in time to see LSD moonsault onto Savage off a stack of chairs*
Marcus: Word is, Shank and Savage showed up at the same time, and LSD jumped them both while they were brawling!
Bloodbath: Well, LSD ain't spreadin' no love and peace now, he's stomping the hell outta Savage.
Marcus: Savage is getting up, and he and LSD are throwing lefts and rights like crazy.
Bloodbath: Shank comes rippin' through the curtain, and knocks both his opponents down with a football tackle.
Marcus: Shank and Savage getting up, Savage kicks Shank in the gut, and jumps up on a table, and... flying elbow drop on LSD!
Bloodbath: No! LSD rolls out of the way! Lucky bastard, that coulda been it right there. Savage hits the floor with a big splat!
Marcus: Shank stomps Savage a few times, now he's pulling him up, looks like he's going for the Bloody Crucifix!
Bloodbath: Where the hell is LSD? He's gonna loose this match pretty fast if he doesn't get his hippy ass back there. No, wait! Here he comes, and he's got that fire extinguisher. Dammit, don't you ever get a new one? That one's got so many dents, I'm suprised it hasn't broken open yet!
Marcus: Just shut up already!
Bloodbath: Make me.
Marcus: Shank about to smash Savage down with his finisher, and LSD blindsides him with the fire extinguisher!
Bloodbath: Shank's busted open, and he drops Savage. LSD standing over Shank now, he raises the extinguisher over his head and SMASHES it down on Shank's head!
Marcus: Blood sprays everywhere! I think Shank's nose is broken!
Bloodbath: I wouldn't be suprised. LSD now hauling Savage up, and hiptosses him off down the hall. He's pulling Shank up now, and looks like he's gonna do the same to Shank.
Marcus: No, wait... Shank reversing, and... BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX ON LSD! What a move by Shank! LSD's just laying there, looking kinda smashed, and Shank walks off after Savage. What the hell is he doing? The win is right there!
Bloodbath: I dunno. This is Shank we're talking about. Shank's entering the concession area now, and gets ambushed by Savage! Both men go flying into a table covered with pasteries, obliterating it! Donuts and crap go flying everywhere!
Marcus: Both men getting up now, and Savage slams Shank with half of the table! Savage now dragging Shank towards another table, he's gonna powerbomb him right through it!
Bloodbath: Shank slips out, and knocks Savage down with an axehandle to the back of the head! Shank's pulling Savage over to the fried chicken stand! Geez, look at those prices.
Marcus: Will you please, please just shut up?
Bloodbath: You pay me to talk, Marcus.
Marcus: Not for much longer if you keep it up.
Bloodbath: Shank's opening up the deep fryer, AND SHOVES SAVAGE'S HAND RIGHT IN IT!! NONONONONONO!! This just ain't right!
Marcus: Savage is obviously in a great deal of pain here! The ref, who's been following the action, is asking Savage if he gives, but he's shaking his head no.
Bloodbath: Damn Savage is tough. That must hurt like hell.
Marcus: Here comes LSD tearing into the room, and ACID DROP ON SHANK! All three men go flying through that concession stand!
Bloodbath: Savage up first, grabs LSD by the hair and knees him in the gut a few times! Savage backs up a pace and sends LSD flying down another hallway with a standing sidekick!
Marcus: Shank's up behind Savage, taps him on the shoulder, and punches him in the face! Savage staggers back, and Shank bites him in the arm!
Bloodbath: Shank digging his teeth in, and not showing any signs of stopping! Savage in some pain, and jabs Shank in the eyes!
Marcus: Shank releases, rubbing his eyes, and Savage irish whips him into the corridor after LSD. No! Shank reverses!
Bloodbath: Savage now getting backed up by stiff knife edge chops to the chest from Shank. Savage goes down suddenly, over a trip wire? What the hell?
*BBBRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!!!!!!!*
Marcus: WHAT THE FUCK?!?! The...The roof just collapsed down on them!
Bloodbath: Look at all the shit raining down on them! Chairs, tables, tools, thumbtacks, lightbulbs, even that Firefly door! Damn, they must've been right under a store room! Who the hell set this trap up?
Marcus: Speak of the devil, and he shall come. Here comes Jaguar, looking pretty pleased with himself! I'd seen him sneaking around earlier, but I didn't know what he was up to. I guess we know now. Dammit, this is coming out of his salary.
Bloodbath: Jaguar hauls up LSD, tosses him into a waiting elevator. Now he pulls Savage up, and throws him into that elevator, too. Now he grabs ahold of Shank's hair, and drags him towards the elevator, yelling some shit at him.
Jaguar: Alright you dumb muthafucker, listen up. You think the beating you've taken in this match is rough, you think this is brutal? Well, you shitty excuse for an utter jobber of a wrestler, the beating you're gonna recieve in that cage is gonna be twice as brutal. Cause ya know what? I'm not gonna be leaving that cage until you, Immortal and Lard Ass are lying, unconsious, in pools over your own blood. Quake in fear, little man, cause you're gonna be Slain by the Darkness.
*Jaguar tosses Shank into the elevator, pushes a button, and walks off. The cameraman and ref scramble into the next elevator.*
Bloodbath: Did you see what floor he sent them to?
Marcus: Uh, yeah. Your office.
Bloodbath: What?! They're gonna trash the place!
*The camera and ref arrive just in time to see Savage powerbomb LSD right through Blood's desk*
Bloodbath: Dammit, Jaguar's gonna pay for this.
Marcus: Shank moonsaults off that wet bar of yours, landing right on Savage and LSD! Looks like we've got a full-scale brawl on our hands, folks! And right in the Commissioner's office, too!
Bloodbath: Savage grabs a handfull of Shank's hair, and starts slamming his face into the remains of the desk. LSD's up and saying something to Savage.
Marcus: Savage drops Shank, now he and LSD are picking up the largest piece of the desk, and together they SLAM it down on Shank! Devestating double-team move from Savage and LSD!
Bloodbath: Savage picks Shank up, and Shank hits him with a low blow! Savage staggers, and LSD grabs Shank from behind, and... HOLY SHIT!!
Marcus: LSD just hiptossed Shank out that big window that overlooks the arena! The big plexi-glass thing just broke, and Shank is falling into the crowd!
Bloodbath: LSD rushes over to the window, and sees Shank laying in a heap of people who tried to catch him, but that's like 30 feet up! Savage now grabs LSD by the hair and drags him out the door of my office, and now throws him into the elevator that's right out in front of my office!
Marcus: I guess they're headed back down here again, and the cameraman misses the elevator, so he's gotta run down those stairs, and again we can't see ANY action at all here, but we're getting a great view of the steps since the cameraman can't really hold it to his face while he's running down stairs or he'd probably miss a step and fall.
Bloodbath: Well he gets downstairs, and just gets the trail end of LSD dragging Savage back into the arena area! Shank slowly now climbing over the guardrail, as Savage now gets thrown over the guardrail, and LSD climbs over, and Shank climbs into the ring, as LSD now pulls Savage back up, and throws him into the ring, this one's gonna end in the ring I think!
Marcus: Well these guys can't take much more I don't think! Savage punches LSD in the stomach here now, and scoops him up and slams him near a corner. Savage climbs up, Shank sorta laying in the ring still recovering, as Savage jumps, and... STARDUST PRESS ON LSD! THIS COULD BE IT!
REF: 1......2.....
Bloodbath: NO! Shank makes the save, and now he pulls Savage up, and... BLOODY CRUCIFIX! and a cover!
REF: 1......2......3
DING DING DING
Rick Cobbs: Here is your winner... and STILL UEW JR. HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... SHANK!
Marcus: Shank wins and he keeps the title! he rolls out and just leaves, the actual title belt never really made it to the ring, but never the less, it's his.
Bloodbath: A great match right there, and we still got more to come, we're trying to just move this right along...
Marcus: Wait a second, I'm getting a message from the back... what? We got a camera back there? good go to it!
*Shot goes to Davey Scott's lockerroom, where we see TNT throw Davey into a locker, and now starts putting the boots to him.*
Bloodbath: TNT in there beating up his former partner, and what's this all about? TNT just assaulting Davey Scott, moments before TNT is supposed to go out and wrestle for the National Heavyweight Championship! He now starts laying punches into Davey's head, and security is now flooding into Davey Scott's lockerroom and they're gonna try and break this one up.
Marcus: TNT just stops on his own now, and starts heading out of the lockerroom, and I don't know what that was about, an unprovoked attack by TNT, and now he's leaving, probably headed for the ring, since the Title fight is up next. The Champion Immortal that won this title just last month is putting the title on the line against a man that very well could take the title belt off him, TNT. This guy is a former tag champion, and really a big fan favorite. Folks really don't know what to make of the fans reaction to Immortal.
Bloodbath: A friend of the Kon, and we know the fans love the Kon. But on the other hand the fans love TNT too, and after leaving him laying and quite possibly taking the title out of his former stable mates hands.
Marcus: Folks we promised that this was going to be one seriously intense pay per view and with this whole turn coat thing going on you have to ask yourself just who the momentum is with. I personally have to go with TNT, this guy feels betrayed, he wants that, and on top of that he's love to have that title.
Bloodbath: Got to go with Immortal myself. The buy has the momentum. He left TNT with nothing. TNT is fighting with pure rage. Immortal don't need nothing TNT has. I don't know how strait of a fight TNT will put up. How clear is his head?
Marcus: Good poins Tad....er Blood...heh....let's go to the ring. Rick Cobbs is standing by.
*Rick Cobbs is chilling in the ring, looking for the Axe and thinking about the Smasher.*
Rick Cobbs: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a match for the UEW National title. Introducing first the Challenger weighing in at 269 pounds and standing 6'2....The leader of the Pyro Technics....Give it up for TNT!!!!!!
*"Summer Breeze" by Type O Negative plays and the fans give a great big responce to TNT. TNT blasts through the curtain pushing along a gray trash tub filled with tables 2X4's and other madness. The fans cheer all the louder. TNT looks half nuts and you can see that he has pain and lots of it on his mind. As he gets to the ring he starts setting up a little hard core fun land in the middle of the ring.*
Rick Cobbs: And his opponent. The Reigning UEW National Champion....Standing 6'7" and weighing in at 250 pounds this is Immortal!!!!!
*"Touchdown Boy" by Blink 182 Blows up and the fans do too. Immortal races down the aisle and slides into the ring with very little fanfare!*
Bloodbath: TNT isn't even going to wait for Immortal to stand up and he nails him in the back with a chair!!!!! Immortal still moving he lunges into TNT, but TNT swings again and flattens Immortal out to the floor. TNT Swinging like a he's competing in the speed contest of the Lumber Jack invitational here Marc!
Marcus: Immortal is really getting rocked here, that has to be like 6 strait chair shots! TNT not wasting any time....HE GOES FOR THE COVER!!!!
*The fans love it!!!!*
Ref: 1......2.
Bloodbath: NO SIR!!!!! Immortal just bench pressed TNT off! Immortal right back up to his feet and he has a length of chain with him! wraps it around his fist...and POPS the attacking TNT right in the jaw with it! TNT reels back and lands on a table...Immortal trying to nail him with that chain again...TNT moves and that chained up fist just hit the table!!!! Looks like that hurt Immortal's hand! Where is TNT going?!?
Marcus: He is climbing up the ropes....Slingshotting off and doing a springboard moonsault over the table AND ONTO IMMORTAL WHAT A MOVE BY TNT!!!!!! IMMORTAL NOW LAID OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING AND ALL DO TO THAT PHENOMONAL MOONSAULT BY TNT!!!!!
Bloodbath: TNT pulling Immortal up again and sets him over that table that he just flipped over. TNT now going up in the corner...Folks this ring is filled with three tables bats boards countless 2x4's...TNT up top and motioning to the crowd...He...Goes for and avalanche off the top....IMMORTAL JUST ROLLED LOOSE AND TNT SMASHES INTO THE TOP OF THE TABLE AND IT DIDN'T GIVE!!!!!! THE TABLE HELD AND YOU CAN BET THAT RATTLED THE BODY OF TNT!!!!!
Marcus: Immortal now grabbing one of the chairs....and he nails the writhing TNT right in the face with the chair!!!!! Immortal now going up to the top rope...The fans are loving this!!!! He is going for the Wrath of God on the prostrate TNT on the table!!!! WHAM!!!! He nailed it he nailed it!!!!! The table splinters all apart both men laying on the floor now!!!!!
Bloodbath: Immortal is moving. I tell you from experience. No matter which side of going through a table you are on it hurts!!!!! Immortal now going for a cover in the wreckage....Ref trying to get in position...decides to count on an upturned section of the table...
Ref: 1.....2..NO NO NO Foot on the ropes!
Marcus: TNT with the presence of mind to get his foot up on the rope! This man is fighting on instinct now! Immortal doesn't like it and he is telling the ref! Meanwhile TNT has a 2x4 and slowly is getting back to his feet....Immortal turns back to him....KACK!!!!!
*The Fans POP!*
Bloodbath: HOLY SHIT!!!!!! He just split that 2x4 over the bean of Immortal!!!!! That laid out Immortal!!!! Now what is TNT doing?!? He is going out and getting the title!!!! TNT is putting the title belt on! TNT is hearing an approval from the fans and climbing back into the ring with Immortal...and making the cover!
Ref: 1......2...
Marcus: Immortal kicks out just in time! TNT holds the cover...and tells the ref to count again!!!! Before he can though Immortal reaches over his head...and BUSTS OPEN THE SKULL OF TNT BY SLAMMING A 2X4 END FIRST INTO HIS FACE!!!!! TNT shoots up to his feet and then falls alla Ric Flair! Immortal climbing up now he is looking pissed!!! TNT trying to get back up...Immortal helping him back up to his feet....pulling him up on top of a table...Immortal now climbing up there now too...
Bloodbath: What is he going for here?!? Immortal is going to attempt to Tombstone Piledrive TNT through the table, and this will do it....The only chance that TNT has is to reverse this in time!!!!!
Marcus: Immortal lifts him, and... TOMBSTONE THROUGH THE TABLE! TNT couldn't reverse! and Immortal goes for a cover!
Ref: 1......2......3
DING DING DING
Rick Cobbs: Here is your winner... and STILL UEW NATIONAL CHAMPION... IMMORTAL!
Bloodbath: Immortal retains his title, in a very hard fought match, and now he's gotta rest before the big one, he's got very little time compared to the rest of these guys now, especially since we're moving right along here.