*Very quickly, 6 clips of the ends of the matches from WNC 12/16/98 flash by*
Narrator Voice: Now, 6 remain. Who has the heart, the determination, and most importantly, the balls, to win the big prize?
*Fireworks go off, as a shot of the entire UEW arena is shown. The crowd is on it's feet, showing their signs, and screaming their heads off. then the Goldrush '98 Logo is superimposed onto the screen, and fades away... then the next shot is of Marcus and Bloodbath, already at the announce table*
Marcus: Hello everyone, and welcome to GOLDRUSH 98! the first SuperCard since the UEW's re-opening! We have 4 titles to decide tonight, and it is going to be an exciting night! And of course, along side me as always, one of the best wrestlers ever, and a man that has held the NWF World Title, Bloodbath!
Bloodbath: Thanks Marcus, and yes, this is going to be a great night! everyone is watching the Universal Title race, it is going to be something! we have 6 men left, and with 4 matches left in the tournament, any one of them could walk home with the gold around their waist! And, just like last wednesday, although we can't be destroying the ring, because other titles need to be decided, we will see some sort of gimmick match for every tournament match, including, get this, a HARDWARE STORE MATCH in the finals!
Marcus: Alright, lets go to the ring for our first match!
*Rick Cobbs is standing in the ring wearing a brand new tux and holding a mic with "Goldrush" written on it.*
Rick Cobbs: Ladies and Gentlemen, this opening contest is a Semi-Final match in the UEW UNIVERSAL TITLE CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT! it is scheduled for one fall, with a 30 minute time limit, and it will be a FLOURESENT GLASS TUBE MATCH! Flouresent Glass tubes will be all around the ring, and one proped up in each corner. You can use them any way you like! and now, introducing the participants...
*We are the Champions plays over the sound system, and the crowd boos*
Rick Cobbs: First, with his valet, MOONLIGHT... from Los Angeles California, weighing 279lbs... ELITE ERIC EGO!
*Moonlight and Eric Ego walk out, Eric Ego slowly walks to the ring and basks in the boos as if they were cheers. He looks at the flouresent light tubes with disgust, and servants rush out to the ring and start cleaning the tubes and spraying them with disinfectant. Eric Ego walks into the ring, as Moonlight stays on the outside*
Rick Cobbs: And his opponent...
*Gring by Alice in Chains plays as the crowd erupts*
Rick Cobbs: From Belle Fourche South Dakota, weighing 250lbs... AC!
*AC walks out through the curtain and the crowd gets even louder. Fans are almost climbing over each other to get to the guard rail in an attempt to have AC slap their hands. AC calmly walks down the aisle, slapping hands with the fans, as Eric Ego looks on in disgust.* AC gets in the ring and stands in his corner, waiting for the bell*
Marcus: Here we go, and the crowd is on it's feet for this opening bout! AC and Eric Ego lock up, and Eric Ego pulls away, and walks into his corner as a Servant towels him off, and another one hands him a mic.
Eric Ego: AC, I saw you touching these greasy peasants, and I won't continue this match until one of my servants has washed your hands!
Bloodbath: Alright, one of the servants now pulls out a bucket with some soapy water in it, as AC looks at Eric Ego and the servant. He can't believe how spoiled this Eric Ego guy is, he won't even wrestle a guy who slapped hands with the fans! the Servant now throws the water into AC's face, and Eric Ego comes running in and lands an elbow into AC's face!
Marcus: It was all a trick! Eric Ego suckered AC in. Eric Ego now has AC on one knee as he throws punches and kicks into various spots on AC, he doesn't care where he hits, he's just hitting him. AC now on the ground, as Eric Ego just keeps pounding on him. AC's trying to protect himself while getting the soap and water out of his eyes.
Bloodbath: Yeah soap stings when it gets in your eyes you know...
Marcus: Well this isn't a "soap in the eyes" match, that'd be stupid...
Bloodbath: yeah, but big flouresent light tubes isn't stupid at all now is it! Eric Ego now pulling AC to his feet, and he lands a hard european uppercut! AC goes reeling, and Eric grabs his arm... Short clothesline! AC goes down hard!
Marcus: Eric with the early advantage here. Eric Ego now backs up a bit, and runs at AC... kneedrop to the forehead of AC! AC grabs it in pain, and Eric Ego now going for a flouresent light tube!
Bloodbath: Oh yeah, you ever been hit with one of these babies Marcus?
Marcus: No, I haven't.
Bloodbath: It's not a fun experience. the glass is so thin, it cuts deep, and it shatters all over the place, which is why we had the fans sign a waiver this afternoon when they came into the building, because there's a chance they could get hurt, and we ain't paying for it!
Marcus: Ego now with one of those glass tubes in his hands, AC starting to get up, and... Ego swings... AC moves out of the way, and the thing shatters all over the ring! some might have caught AC in the back as he was rolling out of the way, and I think I see a little bit in Ego's shins, but nothing serious there!
Bloodbath: AC gets up, and goes for a lariat on Ego... Ego ducks, and kicks AC in the midsection, and grabs him by the hair... and slams him face first into the mat! AC lands in some of that broken glass too! he's cut up! AC is bleeding!
Marcus: Yeah, broken glass will do that to your face... Eric Ego now pulls AC to his feet, and throws him to the ropes... AC comes back, and Eric Ego hits him with a drop toe hold into more of the glass!
Bloodbath: Eric Ego may be a snotty bastard, but he knows how to make a guy bleed! Eric Ego now goes to the ropes as Moonlight drys the sweat off him with a towel, the fans boo except for the ones in the front row that are getting a good view of Moonlight's ass, who are whisling and cheering and some are snapping pictures.
Marcus: AC now slowly getting to his feet, and... Eric Ego comes in with a variation of the Mafia kick hitting AC in the chest, making him reel backwards... Eric Ego now grabs AC's arm, and throws him towards one of the turnbuckles with a glass tube proped up on it... AC reverses, and Eric Ego hits back first as the glass tube shatters!
Bloodbath: Eric Ego has glass all in his back and he is really bleeding now! some of the servants are up on the apron picking little shards of glass out of Ego's back, but Ego moves out of the way and goes right back after AC... AC hits Eric Ego with a running back elbow, that makes Ego stagger backwards... AC now throwing him towards the ropes, Ego comes back... TILTAWIRL BACKBREAKER ON EGO! and a cover!
REF: 1......2....
Marcus: no! Ego kicks out, and I think AC got some glass stuck in his knee and thigh because Ego still has glass in his back! AC now searches around on the mat, and grabs a peice of glass and starts digging it into Eric Ego's forehead! Eric Ego is yelling in pain. AC now punches him in the head, and now pulls him back to his feet... Eric Ego with a low blow on AC! AC is doubled over, and... DDT! and a cover!
REF: 1......2...
Bloodbath: AC kicks out! Ego a little frustated, you can see both men are now bleeding. Eric Ego now rolling out to the floor, he grabs two chairs and motions for his servants to get him some of those floursent light tubes... oh yeah, I think I know what we're going to see here!
Marcus: Eric Ego back into the ring, and he sets the chairs up, and now gets the light tubes from his servants, and he's setting them all up so it's like a table made out of glass! I don't know what Eric plans to do with this, but it'll end the match pretty quickly I'm sure! Eric Ego now walks up to AC, and... AC hits him with a low blow!
Bloodbath: One good turn deserves another! AC now sets Eric Ego up right in front of his own little work here... AC BOMB THROUGH ABOUT 7 FLOURESENT LIGHT TUBES! and the cover!
REF: 1......2......3
DING DING DING
Rick Cobbs: Here is your winner... AC!
Marcus: AC Advances into the finals! The finals just got interesting already!
Bloodbath: Oh yeah, and the crowd is on it's feet, they just love this guy! I don't know why, he's an asshole! he's now basking in his glory, and now he rolls out of the ring and leaves, as the servants are picking Ego up out of that mess of broken glass. We're going to have some people sweep the glass out of the ring, as we take a look at our next match up.
*Promo for the 4 man Tornado Tag Title match, showing clips from various WNC's where the Hardboys are interfering in matches, NFS vs Extreme Icons in the cage, and clips of Blade and Havoc in action, then it all dissolves to a picture of the UEW Tag Team Title Belts*
Rick Cobbs: Ladies and Gentlemen, this match is the 4 TEAM TORNADO TAG TEAM MATCH for the UEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! All 8 men will be in the ring at the same time, and once one man from a team is eliminated, via pinfall or submission, both men from that team must leave the ring. The last team standing will be crowned the UEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Introducing first...
*Bad to the Bone plays*
Rick Cobbs: From the Badlands, and Fort Bragg respectivly... at a total combined weight of 625lbs... BLADE and CAPTAIN MIKE HAVOK!
*Blade and Havok march to the ring, both men looking straight ahead. They climb into the ring, and wait in one corner.*
*Anarchy in the UK plays*
Rick Cobbs: From England... at a total combined weight of 565lbs... Hardboy Bullockhead, and Gladstone Blower... THE HARDBOYS!
*The Hardboys walk out with freshly shaved heads, wearing their union jack shirts. They take a swipe at a few of the crowd members, then spit on some of them and walk into the ring, and stand in a corner to wait.*
*Higher Ground by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers plays*
Rick Cobbs: From New Orleans... at a total combined weight of 393lbs... "Superstar" Chip Collins, and Super Lucha MooCow... THE NEW FOOTLOOSE SUPERSTARS!
*The NFS walk out, MooCow not staggering at all, obviously sober for this important match. Chip slowly walks down the ramp, as the crowd "MOOS". They climb into the ring, and wait*
*FireStarter by Prodigy plays*
Rick Cobbs: From St. Louis and Philadelphia respectivly... at a total combined weight of 530lbs... Ring King and Justin Sane, THE EXTREME ICONS!
*Ring King comes out first, then Justin Sane follows in and immediatly attacks Ring King. The Wrestlers in the ring take a cue and start attacking each other.*
Marcus: I guess the Extreme Icons still haven't solved their problems, and here we go! Wait a minute, The NFS and Blade & Havok are both attacking the Hardboys! they're probably not too thrilled with all the interference they caused in the past few weeks! Blade and Havok are fighting Gladstone Blower, and the NFS are attacking Hardboy Bullockhead!
Bloodbath: I guess it's a little bit of payback. Chip now setting up Bullockhead for a Piledriver... MooCow climbs up, and jumps... SPIKE PILEDRIVER! and a very early cover!
REF: 1.....
Marcus: Not even a 2 count, and Bullockhead kicks out. meanwhile Gladstone is getting pummeled in the corner by the two Mercs. Blade now pulls Gladstone out of the corner, and sets him up for a Powerbomb... Havok now grabs Gladstones neck, and... POWERBOMB NECKBREAKER COMBO!
Bloodbath: Meanwhile Ring King and Justin Sane are still fighting on the outside! How stupid can these guys be? They don't have any chance of winning this thing this way! They finally get into the ring, and Blade cuts them off and attacks Ring King. MooCow now runs at the ropes, and comes back... spinning heel kick to Justin Sane, and Justin Sane goes down!
Marcus: Now Blade has Ring King in the corner, and he whips him to the opposite turnbuckle... Ring King hits back first, and Blade comes in after him, and hits him with a huge lariat! Ring King goes down hard!
Bloodbath: Havok still working on Gladstone. He pulls him to his feet after a quick scoop slam, and throws him to the ropes... Gladstone comes back... drop toe hold, into an Ankle Lock! And all of the sudden guys swarm on Gladstone! people are kicking him and punching him while he's in the ankle lock! Chip now picks up MooCow, and... drops him on Gladstone with a legdrop to the back of the head!
Marcus: The ref is trying to check to see if Gladstone is going to tap... Hardboy Bullockhead now kicks Havok in the back of the head, and he releases the hold! Gladstone now gets up and turns around... Justin Sane rolls him up with a small package, and all the wrestlers hold him down!
REF: 1......2......3
Rick Cobbs: The Hardboys have been eliminated!
Bloodbath: Bullockhead isn't too happy with this, he runs to the ropes, and blindly dives into the crowd, knocking over MooCow, Blade, and Ring King! They now leave, and we're down to 3 teams! Ring King and Blade now fighting, Justin Sane and MooCow are fighting, and Havok and Chip Collins are going at it!
Marcus: Justin Sane picking MooCow up, and... LYGERBOMB! but he throws him off and doesn't bother for the pin. Justin Sane basically doing whatever the hell he wants to MooCow, MooCow is just too small to compete.
Bloodbath: It's hard for the UEW to even take this guy seriously. We don't have a midget divison! this guy is way too small to wrestle with these guys! Of course, on the other hand we got a 300 pounder in there that thinks he's as small as MooCow, look at him climbing the top rope now... and FROG SPLASH on BLADE! and a cover!
REF: 1......2...
Marcus: Havok gets over there and makes the save! Havok turns around to deal with Chip, and... LIGHTS OUT! And a cover!
REF: 1......2.....
Bloodbath: Blade gets over there and makes the save just barely! Havok looks completely out of it, he's lying there, barely moving. Ring King now climbing to the top rope again, and... Sommersault Senton on Havok! and another cover!
REF: 1......2.....
Marcus: Blade makes the save again, but Justin Sane comes from behind, and... RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! Justin Sane now to his feet, and... Ring King levels him with a clothesline!
Bloodbath: These two are throwing away the belts this way... MooCow just now starting to fully recover from that Lyger Bomb, and he goes to the top rope... MOONSAULT ON JUSTIN SANE! and a cover!
REF: 1......2...
Marcus: Justin Sane throws MooCow off of himself. Chip now picks MooCow up into a Gorrila Press! he walks over to where Havok is, and drops him... Havok moves out of the way, and MooCow hits hard on the canvas!
Bloodbath: a mistake by Chip there, and MooCow is paying for it! Ring King now sees Havok trying to get up, and... he picks him up, and... RK DRIVER! he goes for a cover, and Blade is over there to try and stop it... Chip hits LIGHTS OUT on BLADE! Chip covers him, and Ring King still covering Havok as the ref makes the count!
REF: 1......2......3
Rick Cobbs: Blade & Captain Mike Havok have been eliminated!
Marcus: We're down to the last two teams! One of these teams will walk out the new UEW tag champs! Wait a minute... Justin Sane and Ring King start attacking each other again, throwing lefts and rights at each other! Chip and MooCow are sitting back and watching this, they're basically having the titles handed to them!
Bloodbath: Yeah, it's a shame too, this could have been a good rematch from a few weeks back. Chip and MooCow now advance, and Ring King and Justin Sane immediatly turn their attention to them, and hit them with stereo mafia kicks!
Marcus: Maybe it was just a trick to sucker them in!
Bloodbath: Maybe?
Marcus: Ok, well anyway, Ring King and Justin Sane both laying a beating on the NFS, Ring King working on MooCow, and Justin Sane working on Chip. Ring King now picks MooCow up, and... POWERBOMB! MooCow bounces up pretty high on that, and he's laying there motionless.
Bloodbath: Ring King is over 2 times heavier than MooCow, it's such an unfair matchup it's not even funny. Ring King now climbing the ropes... he's going to squash him! Ring King now jumps... SHOOTING STAR PRESS! and a cover!
REF: 1......2.....
Marcus: Chip gets away from Justin Sane and makes the save! Justin Sane right back on Chip though, he hits him with a jumping savate to the back of the head! Chip goes down, and Ring King now climbing to the top again... LEG DROP FROM THE TOP ON CHIP! and Justin Sane goes for the cover!
REF: 1......2....
Bloodbath: Chip kicks out! Ring King now telling Justin Sane it's time, I guess they're going to try and finish it right here! Ring King picks Chip up in a fireman's carry, and he's climbing the ropes with Chip on his shoulders...
Marcus: A chip on his shoulders?
Bloodbath: No! Chip, not A Chip... ah never mind, your jokes suck. Anyways, Justin Sane now waiting at the bottom... MooCow comes at Justin Sane and takes him out by the knee! Chip now squirms out of the Fireman's carry from Ring King and Ring King falls off the top rope and onto Justin Sane! Chip falls off the top rope too, but lands on Ring King to break his fall.
Marcus: Chip up right away, and waits for Ring King... MooCow positions himself behind Ring King, and... Ring King gets up, and... CHIP HITS THE LIGHTS OUT! And Ring King trips backwards over MooCow who rolls him up!
REF: 1......2......3
DING DING DING
Rick Cobbs: Here are your winners... AND THE NEW UNIVERSAL EXTREME WRESTLING TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... SUPER LUCHA MOOCOW AND SUPERSTAR CHIP COLLINS, THE NEW FOOTLOOSE SUPERSTARS!
Marcus: the Ref now handing the titles to the extremely tired NFS, and they hoist them over their heads! the crowd is on it's feet, cheering for a Wannabe and a midget that is normally drunk, and always thinks he's a cow!
Bloodbath: Nevertheless, our first title has been decided, and we got three more to go! I don't know what the hell we're doing next... is it the Ladder Battle Royal?
Marcus: No... we're saving that so the Universal Tourny guys can get a bit of a rest before the finals...
Bloodbath: Isn't that what the damn National Title Battle Royal is for?
Marcus: Alright, fine, we'll have one more tourny match here, then the Ladder Battle Royal, then another Tournament Match, then the Table Battle Royal, then the finals... happy?
Bloodbath: Yeah, I guess... folks, we're so unorganized around here it's not even funny. Ok, who's up next?
Marcus: It's EZ: The ShowStopper vs Justin Funk in a barbed wire board/thumbtack match! Let's get to the ring and start this one off, this one is all set to be a nasty bash! Rick Cobbs tell us what we need to know!!
*Rick Cobbs is onhand and set to start it up. He has smooth motion, and a wide grin on his face.*
Rick: Ladies and Gentlemen this one here is part of the Universal Title tournament. It is set for one fall, and the fight will end only in a pinfall or submission. The ring will be covered in thumbtacks, and as you can see right now, Barbed wire boards have been placed in the corner. Introducing first, the biggest of the big the hardest core of the hard core...JUSTIN FUNK!!!!
*The Great Malenko by ICP blasts overhead. Funk comes to the ring with his hair slicked back, and black long legged tights on, he has on a Funk U School of hard knocks sweatshirt and the fans give him a nice pop. He jerks his head around to loosen up his neck, and charges the ring.*
Rick: His opponent for this evening, and also a contender for the world's championship, Now suddenly a member of the band of wrestlers known as Utter Chaos, he is EZ the Showstopper!
*Utter Chaos' theme plays overhead, and SS makes his way to the ring to a mixed reaction some fans are happy to see the return of UC, while many think that SS sold out the fan fave the Kon. SS doesn't seem to notice, his eyes are focused on Funk, and he sikes himself up at the top of the ramp, and here comes SS!*
Marcus: As SS nears the ring, two men from the staff have begun to spill those tacks all over the ring. Funk doesn't bother to pay any damn attention, his sights are on stopper. SS is up on the apron, and Funk is right after him charging, SS ducks and drives a shoulder into the gut of the on rushing Funk. Funk hunches...SS grabs him by the head, and suplexes him over the top rope and out onto the floor!
Bloodbath: Looks like we may not be seeing much of the thumbtacks in this one after all! Dammit. SS leaps off the apron and lands a hard elbow to the chest of Funk! SS pulls up Funk and WHAM smacks his head into the apron of the ring! Funk stumbles away, and SS connects with a lariat that flatens out Funk strait to the ground! SS stomping away at the monsterous Funk!
Marcus: HOLY SHIT!!!! Funk just caught the boot of SS, and literally tossed him off and over to the corner! Funk is inhuman! SS crashes over by the security rail! Funk is up and stomps down onto the neck of SS then pushes down with his heel crushing the throat of the Showstopper! Funk is a sadistic madman! There is no way that you can beat him out there, the floor is his element!
Bloodbath: Looks to me like Funk wants to make in the ring his element...he is scooping up SS like a sack of potatoes over his shoulder and climbing up the ring steps. Funk drapes SS over the top rope, and now climbs in himself, then pulls up SS to the same position as before....charges one of those barbed up boards in the corner, dives, and SMASHES through it, sending SS right through the board and tangling him up in barbs!
*The fans come to their feet after that ultra hardcore move!*
Marcus: Funk is right on SS now and wraps that wire around his neck! Funk is out of his mind! He is trying to kill SS out there! SS is in for the fight of his life! Look at Funk up to his feet with a knee on SS's back for more leverage as he yanks on that barbed wire! SS's head is split open and his gushing like a virgin in there.
Bloodbath: SS is struggling and trying to get air by pulling the wire off his neck with his hands! Look at the slobber rolling down his chin! Funk is loving this! He releases the tightness of that wire, and he is just wrapping it around SS now! Funk now pulling up SS, and setting up a pump handle...into a meltdown style move Down hard onto the thumbtacks while being wrapped in barbed wire!!!! OUCH!!!!
*The fans start to chant UEW UEW UEW!*
Marcus: I told you they would get it right sooner or later! Funk hooks up a leg and this one is all over!
Ref: 1......2...
Bloodbath: WHOAAA NELLY he go an arm up in time! SS is a warrior, and I am not surprised that he got his shoulder up, but whether he can come back from this beating we will just have to witness. Funk looks puzzled, he stands up, over the body of SS and seems to be shouting at the ref, Funk thinks he won this...
Marcus: WHOA!!! Showstopper had the presence of mind to see the opening and he kicked Funk right in the nuts! Funk reels back and flops into the ropes! SS rises slowly and looks to be smiling under all that crimson! SS springs off the opposite ropes, and grabs the head of Funk and yanks him off the ropes with some mean ass looking ultra ddt!
Bloodbath: My God the head of Funk just waffled into those tacks! He's wearing a crown of thumbtacks out there now! SS drops and pummels the tacks into the head of Funk like some deranged carpenter! What is he doing now? SS stomps over across the ring, and has one of the barbed wire boards, swings it over his head...WHAM!!! splatter shot sends blood out into the third row! But look at this Funk just keeps getting up!
*The fans are applauding the great work, and marveling at how the hell Funk is getting back to his feet.*
Marcus: Look at Funk he is shaking off that shot from SS! Funk is back up! SS is freaking out! SS kicking at the gut of the monster as he staggers after SS, either one of those tacks snapped the nervous system off, or Funk actually feeds off this extreme stuff! Either way it spells certain doom for the SS! SS chops the chest of Funk, and Funk grabs SS by the neck and lifts him off the ground, turns and tosses SS right through one of the last barbed wire boards in the ring!
Bloodbath: SS is limp and he is out of it! Here comes Funk...LOOK OUT!!!! SS WAS PLAYING POSSUM!!!! SS GRABS HALF OF THAT BOARD AND WHAM KNOCKS FUNK OUT OF HIS SHOES!!!! SS is in the drivers seat now! Funk is wobbling...SS grabs him...sets it up...the SHOWTIME!!!!! WHAM!!!!
*The fans are going nuts!*
Marcus: SS makes the cover.
Ref: 1......2.....
Bloodbath: Funk just got up in time there! SS isn't breaking his concentration...SS pulls up Funk and whips him to the ropes...Here comes Funk...SS is going for the EZ slam!!!! He has him all set up!!!!! He holds the fans are going nuts!!!! SS is letting them see him warm up for the finisher....
Marcus: Too long! Funk takes advantage...rolls up SS small package by Funk the ref is in place...
Ref: 1......2......3!
Rick Cobbs: Here is your winner... JUSTIN FUNK!
Bloodbath: Justin Funk steals this win away, and look at ShowStopper he is pissed off! He had him!
Marcus: Funk is bleeding like hell, but happy as hell too, he is going on, and SS it's back to the drawing board I guess. Better luck next time Showstopper!